Cave Dwelling

So I have been hiding out, living in a cave of my own creation. I felt as though I was overwhelmed with life in general and nothing was going the way I anticipated. I am a bit of a control freak and I felt like I lost control, they only way to regain it was to dwell in my cave until I felt better about the journey. I redesigned my expectations, refocused, and realized that I can't control everything, I just have to learn to deal with it better.

I have exited the cave and reentered the real world feeling refreshed and ready to conquer the world again, however I see that in my weeks of cave life I was not there for someone who could have used me. I feel terrible, I've let down someone who is very important to me. I wish that I was not a person who internalized everything to the point that I crawl in hole and hibernate until I can deal with the world again. My hope is that with every journey into the cave I learn something that affords me the ability to stay in the real world longer the next time, that's been the case so far, I just hope it continues.

I have realized that no matter how much I need to fall apart, I can't let my friendships suffer from my own issues. I wish that I could have been there for my friend at a time where my knowledge of the process could have helped. I wish that I had just been able to deal with all the craziness around me and not internalized everything to the point that I felt broken and in need of repairs that only my cave could provide.

To my friend, I think you'll know I am talking about you, and I wish that I were a stronger person, one who could have dealt with my own issues well enough to have been available to you. I wish that I had known at the time and could have been there for you to lean on, having been there myself. I know you did fine on your own, you've sense taught me a few things I didn't know, but my hope is that I have not ruined the friendship we had by hiding away in my dark cave and being unavailable when you could have used me. I am deeply sorry and I hope some day to make it up to you, and be there for you like you always have been for me.