Questioning the Path...

Today for whatever reason I started thinking...thinking back on the decisions in my life that have lead me to where I am today. I know there is a reason why we choose the paths we do at the time, I am also vastly aware that hind-sight is 20/20. It is not that I sit here questioning the choices I have made, thinking they may have been wrong, because I know at the time I made the best decisions I was capable of making. I can look back and see how very much I have grown as a person, and how if faced with some of the same decisions today my choices might be very different simply because of who I am now having dealt with the things I have.

I believe we choose our own destiny, we have free will and therefore are left to take the things that we instinctively know or have been taught and use them to make choices that will impact our future. As we grow up there are many people who try to impart their wisdom on us and who will offer us guidance. It is up to us to choose who we listen to, who we allow into our lives to help us make the hard decisions in life. I have always been very selective, quick to cut ties when something goes awry, and somewhat closed off. I know that has always been my crutch, my biggest fear in life has always been that I would let someone in whole-heartedly only to have them realize that they no longer wanted me once they saw everything. I have realized through the years though that to truely be happy in life you have to let people in, you have to allow them to see the darkest parts of you, and their reactions to the ugly things will tell you all you need to know about them.

I have always held myself to unreachable standards in many aspects of life and therefore often expect others to reach those standards as well. I have grown to realize that I will never achieve the perfect me, that instead I will forever be a work in progress, and therefore asking someone else to reach perfection is only setting myself up for heartbreak. I am learning to trust, though it is a grueling task and one that often leaves me alone to sit with the pain it causes, I rebound to once again to put myself out there. I have come to realize that the hardest of times teach me more about myself and therefore show me a strength I didn't know I had. I will perseveare and the knowledge and strength I have gained through the experiances in my life have gotten me this far so I should not turn my back on them now.

I know I am at this place right this instant for a reason, I haven't a clue what the reason is at this point but I am willing to accept the journey ahead in hope of learning something more and gaining insight into a strength in myself I have yet to realize...